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Divorce is a heartbreaking process that no one wants to go through. Especially in the conservative Indian society where many people still look at it as a ‘scar’. Still, many Indians choose this option rather than suffering through an abusive marriage. But is remarriage the next viable step after a painful divorce? Should divorce and remarriage go hand in hand? This is a question many divorcees faces in their lives. It is important to remember that you are not alone. After going through a lot of pain, hurt and negativity, you finally get back your newfound ‘freedom’ and another chance at singlehood. Should you compromise that freedom again just to give love another shot? According to our relationship counsellors, it is normal to feel scared or ‘commitment-phobic‘ at this point of time. You are at your most vulnerable and don’t want to complicate your life with another relationship. If you feel this way, you are not ready for remarriage. You need adequate time to heal and overcome the torment caused by a painful divorce. Remarriage after divorce in India is an option, not a mandate. What’s motivating you to get married? Your intentions and motivations behind wanting to remarry are vital. You should not just rush into this decision because you feel you’re ageing or that’s what other people are making you to do. Getting married “for the sake of it” is the worst thing you can do to yourself and your partner. If you have a crystal-clear mind-set towards your current partner, then this is a solid reason to think about remarriage.

Happiness is not the most important thing. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away. A couple in a successful marriage discovers the value in just showing up. When things get tough and couples don’t know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges. If you do what you always do, you will get same result. Wise couples have learned that you have to approach problems differently to get different results. Often, minor changes in approach, attitude and actions make the biggest difference in marriage. Your attitude does matter. Changing behavior is important, but so is changing attitudes. Bad attitudes often drive bad feelings and actions. Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly. The grass is greenest where you water it. Spouses in a successful marriage have learned to resist the grass is greener myth — i.e., someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better. You can change your marriage by changing yourself. Veteran couples have learned that trying to change their spouse is like trying to push a rope — almost impossible. Often, the only person we can change in our marriage is ourselves. Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the “feel good side of marriage.” Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple’s vows of commitment: “For better or for worse” — when it feels good and when it doesn’t. Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Spouses in a successful marriage have learned to resist holding grudges and bringing up the past. They remember that they married an imperfect person — and so did their spouse. A crisis doesn’t mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It’s out of pain that great people and marriages are produced.

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